What To Do When There is Player Conflict
Written by James
June 10, 2008
When playing in a group game, you are dealing with many people – all the players and all the characters as well. Sometimes, differentiating the character’s feelings from the player’s feelings isn’t easy. It’s common to assume that because one player’s character hates yours, the player must hate you, too.
Wrong.
A character’s feelings should never reflect the player’s. It is every player’s responsibility to keep in-game feelings separate from their own true feelings. Remember that fiction isn’t reality. A character argument isn’t a sign that the player doesn’t like you and a conflict in game doesn’t mean that there is conflict out of game.
Sometimes, though, “leaks” happen. You sense there may be some underlying feelings between players. You may be the one having feelings about another player – and not in a good way. What do you do?
Contacting a player directly to try to work out your differences doesn’t always work well. Sometimes you could sort out a situation with a note that asks, “Are you mad at me or is that just Blade’s reaction?” The player might be surprised and quick to reassure you that no personal ill will is intended.
Remember, fiction isn’t reality.
Likewise, sometimes you can resolve your irritation by sending a quick note that says, “I really didn’t like when… I felt that it…” Before you do so, acknowledge that you’re taking character action or speech personally – because sometimes, realizing that in-game isn’t in real life resolves the problem before you even send that note.
If you do send a note, never attack a person. Treat them diplomatically, politely and with respect. Use your best manners. Mention what upset you and don’t go into great detail. Be prepared that the other person may not see your view or agree with your thoughts.
If the situation isn’t easily resolved, don’t argue. Don’t flame, don’t fight and don’t answer. No matter how upset you might be, leave well enough alone and contact a moderator.
Moderators are neutral, objective parties. It is their job to step in to calm down heated situations and restore peace with solutions. They’re there to help everyone have a happy game; use their services.
Above all, work at keeping your personal feelings separate from the game. This comes with practice and the constant self-reminder that this isn’t reality – it’s just for fun.
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Hmmm, I dunno, James.
I mean, don’t get me wrong: I’m with you 100% in principle. People ought not take their feelings from a game away from the table (or message board, as the case may be).
Hell, I’ll take it a step further: some of the best roleplaying sessions I’ve been privy to have had some intense conflict between characters. I encourage it, at times, at my RPG table.
Having said all of that, here’s my problem: Some folks just can’t do it. They can’t separate their emotions from their character’s emotions. That works both directions: I’ve seen people transfer real-life conflict to the table, and I’ve seen people develop real-life conflict based on what happened at the table.
Is it a little different in a play-by-post situation like at Escaping Reality? I think maybe, but only because there’s usually little real-life interaction between players. In many cases, the only thing players have in common is the game. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, just that it may be less likely.
Just my $.02.
Bob Younce’s last blog post..Sunday RPG Link Smashup- June 8, 2008
Character conflict, great stuff. PLAYER conflict? When two players get pissy at each other? Bad, bad. No way that should be encouraged.
Intense scenes are intense, sure. But players HAVE to recognize that because Race is beating up Jake does not mean James hates Harry. In a face to face tabletop game, you have all the clues and body language and ability to moderate.
In a creative writing game like ER? No. You have text, and text can and often is misconstrued. In a game where role-playing means you become someone else, it’s difficult as well to draw the line.
Our experience shows that player conflict is more likely to occur, not less, especially with strangers. Which just goes to show how well everyone’s handling ER, because there’s not an ounce of problem.
The group plays well.
Actually Bob, we’ve seen that happen on PbP boards many times and it is for that exact reason that many boards end up failing. It’s very common, if not more so than in tabletop because so many people are fearless and careless when it comes to interacting with other faceless individuals.
Hm.
James, are you mad at me? You didn’t have to go and write a whole post about it, you know. You could have just have Race backhand Liv or something.
Tei - Rogue Ink’s last blog post..Mourning Grovers.
@ Fellas - I’d say that was good to know, but it’s not, of course.
Still, I think you’re right. We’ve got a decent community at ER. Even the folks who aren’t in our little writing blog community are fitting right in.
Bob Younce’s last blog post..Sunday RPG Link Smashup- June 8, 2008